• [google-translator]

positivity

Your Body, Your Beauty, Your Booty – Treasure it.
  • Jason Stadtlander

Your Body, Your Beauty, Your Booty – Treasure it
Your Body, Your Beauty, Your Booty – Treasure it 610 469 Jason Stadtlander

Continuing my “Positive” posts, today I’d like to focus today on our bodies.

I can remember being in middle school and other kids making fun of me for the size of my feet. At around age ten, my feet were the same size as my age. Size ten at age ten, size eleven by age eleven… all the way up to age thirteen. It was my first experience with body shaming. There was no denying, I had big feet. I was awkward, nerdy and I was going through a very difficult time in my life with my parents divorcing and a few close family members dying.

For many years I felt like I had a skinny, wimpy look and even after I started to work out in my late twenties, I continued to feel dismayed when I looked in the mirror. And then, one day – I didn’t feel dismayed. Several things dawned on me all at once about fifteen years back:

  1. This is my body, the only one I have. Why have I spent so many years being ashamed of it? When I look in the mirror, why do I choose to look at the bad points, instead of the good?
  2. What right does anyone have to criticize the way my body is shaped

I cannot change the body I was born into, any more than anyone can change the body they were born into. Sure, we can have plastic surgery or dye our hair. But that is not really us. It is not what your DNA was programmed to create, it’s a mask, a façade that one chooses to pull over themselves because a particular element doesn’t look right to them.

It all boils down to society’s constant need to find balance, symmetry, and beauty. It is in our nature to look for beauty in others (and often do not see it) because we often cannot find beauty in ourselves.

What do I mean by balance and symmetry? We are programmed (from birth) to look for symmetry. If you look at a face and one side does not look even with the other side, it feels off, like something needs to be corrected. Symmetry and beauty are so interlinked, we don’t even realize we are looking for it when we look for something we consider beautiful.

Balance in society simply means balance as a whole. If someone feels bad about the way they look or their appearance, they will most likely try to balance themselves by looking for flaws in others. The same applies on a much larger scale. The beauty industry rarely shows you photos or videos (male or female) of people that are overweight or have acne or have a misbalanced body in one way or another. They work hard to make sure that only the perfectly balanced are portrayed, but real life is anything but perfectly balanced. We cannot relate to that perfect model in the Victoria’s Secret ad or the dark and mysterious man with large arms and chest in the GQ magazine, but we want to be like them. We want to have that physique, that look. When we look in the mirror, we look for what we would want to change in ourselves to look like that. The reality is that model that you see in the magazine or online looks way different without their makeup or touchups and in another twenty years, they will not look like that. I am not body shaming the model in the magazine, I can guarantee you that they get body shamed all the time (believe me, I know what that industry is like). What I am trying to point out is that they are as human as you and I. They are just wearing their own mask for you.

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that we should not try to take the best care of our bodies we can. As I said earlier, it is the only body we get, so it is critical that we take care of it. What I am saying is, internal image and external appearance are almost always two different things.

From a beauty perspective, it does not matter if you are skinny or fat, old or young, unsymmetrical or misproportioned. You are you, and that is the single greatest thing you have to offer this world. From a physical perspective, I encourage you to work out, even if it is only going for a walk each day. Your body (regardless of its size or shape) is the greatest instrument you have and at the end of the day. It is the only thing you have to live with forever until the day you die so take care of it as best you can. But never equate your physical self with your beautiful self, because you already are beautiful, you just need to see it.

jack-&-elaine-on-the-mark
  • Jason Stadtlander

Jack & Elaine – On The Mark
Jack & Elaine – On The Mark 1662 809 Jason Stadtlander

“On your mark! Get Set! Go!” the teacher yelled. As soon as he had spoken the word ‘go’ six children took off down the track, tiny legs pumping hard, arms flailing, and Jack among them.

Jack could feel his heart beating in his chest as he came around the first turn, he badly wanted to glance over his shoulder but didn’t dare. There were now three children in front of him; Susan, Tyler, and John – the boy that had made fun of him on the bus two months ago. Jack’s feet began to reach a steady cadence forming a rhythmic pounding on the red recycled rubber track. A soft whoosh could be heard every time his sneakers hit the surface. In the distance, a bird called and children could be heard screaming something that Jack couldn’t make out. He rounded the second turn, passing John and close behind Tyler. Now half away around the track, Jack, Susan, and Tyler were approaching the far side bleachers where the rest of his gym class sat. Among them, his new best friend, red-headed, freckle-faced Elaine screaming at the top of her lungs “Go Super Jack! Go! Go Jack Attack!”

That statement alone was enough to give him the added drive to increase the beat of his feet on the pavement. Ever so slowly he approached and passed Tyler who quickly fell back. Jack’s lungs were burning by the time he reached the third bend. He took the inside lane coming up on Susan’s left and found a force deep within him to drive his legs faster, no longer an uncoordinated child, but a machine. Jack worried that he might not have the ability to control them if he increased his speed, but found the power none the less. He passed Susan just as they made the fourth turn and the finish line was in sight.

His teacher, Mr. Crabtree stood at the finish line with his stopwatch, waiting for the children to cross the line. Jack could hear Susan attempting to catch up, but it was futile, he now had a good five yard lead on her. He sprinted as hard as he could to the finish line and blasted across it unable to slow down for twenty feet and finally coming to a stop. Jack stood, slumped over with hands-on knees staring down at his sneakers, his lungs felt like they were on fire but he felt so alive.

Two minutes later a hand slapped him on the back gently, it was Elaine. “Jack! You flew! Good job!” she exclaimed.

Still out of breath he replied “Thanks. I can’t believe I beat John.”

Elaine scoffed “That idiot? You left him in your dust halfway around. I was impressed you beat Susan. She’s a good runner.”  She looked at him. He was glancing back at John “Why do you let John bother you so much? You’re so much better than he is.”

“I’m just so used to him picking on me. It’s strange, to do something better than him, that he can’t stop me at.”

She took him by the shoulders and stood him up, staring him in his blue eyes. “I don’t cheer on stupid people or weak people. I cheer on ‘super people’ like you ‘Super Jack’” and she hugged him. The two walked back towards the bleachers, passing John but not looking at him one bit as the other children cheered Jack’s approach.

Checkout Jack and Elaine’s other adventures

jack-and-elaine-bad-things-and-good-thoughts
  • Jason Stadtlander

Jack and Elaine – Bad Things and Good Thoughts
Jack and Elaine – Bad Things and Good Thoughts 402 512 Jason Stadtlander

Jack walked into the living room to see a photo of a beautiful young woman in a silver frame. It sat on a small table across from the sofa accompanied by other smaller photos featuring the same woman who he knew to be his aunt, yet he had never met her.  There was a quiet solitude shared by the small grouping of photos as two flames danced about in the glass panes from the candles set amongst the frames.

The boy’s father walked into the room and set down one more photo. “Why are there all these pictures of Aunt Heather?” Jack asked his father who looked at him, sorrow in his eyes. His father grabbed the leather ottoman and pulled it up to the table motioning for Jack to join him.

“Today is a special day. Do you know what today is?” his father asked.

Jack searched his mind but could not come up with a good guess. “Wednesday?” he asked.

“Yes. Wednesday the eleventh of September. Eighteen years ago, September 11th, was on a Tuesday… Just like today, it was a beautiful day. But on that beautiful day, there were some bad people that did some bad things.”

Jack, only six years old, looked inquisitively at his father, not quite understanding what he was talking about. “Why?

“Well, it’s complicated.” His father replied, paused, then continued “On that day Aunt Heather was on a flight home and one of the bad men took over the plane she was on and crashed it into a building in New York city.”

Jack didn’t speak for a moment, consumed with this unwelcome news. “Was she scared?”

A tear rolled down his father’s cheek. “Mommy and I have wondered that same thing, many times. The truth is, it probably happened so quickly that she didn’t have enough time to be scared. At least that’s what we hope.”

Now the questions began. His father knew the barrage of questions was upon him and intended to discuss them regardless of his apprehension. It was critical that Jack understood.

“Will it happen again? Will bad people attack with planes again?” Jack asked.

“I don’t know, but people all over the world try to prevent it from happening again, but the truth is, there will always be people out there that want to hurt others.”

“Why didn’t Aunt Heather stop them?”

“It’s not that easy Jack. They were very strong and it was a very confusing and scary moment.”

“Why do people hurt people? Don’t they have kids? Don’t they have mommies and daddies too?”

“I don’t know son.” His father said cautiously.

Jack thought about this for a long time and then decided to go out to his tree house. He climbed up the ladder and saw his friend Elaine, seated on a chair. “Hi.” He said meekly and sat down beside her.

“Do you know what today is?” she asked.

“Uh huh. It’s Wednesday.”

“It’s nine eleven.” She replied despondently matching his somber presence.

“I know.”

Elaine looked at Jack, “Why do you suppose people hurt all those people back then?”

“I guess they were angry?” He replied.

“Why couldn’t they just talk? So many people’s mommies didn’t come home right? It’s so stupid.” Her voice broke as she spoke these last words causing her eyes to well up, though she held back her tears.

Jack looked at his friend, sensing some deep hurt but was unwilling to push. “You know, I think… maybe it was to teach us something.”

“Teach us? What could it possibly teach us?” she asked.

“Well, it taught my daddy to appreciate the family he has. It taught you and me to think about this stuff. Maybe if we think about it and we teach other people to think about it, it won’t happen again.”

“Maybe.” She said, looking back out the window on the lawn below. She placed her head on her folded hands.

“Maybe we will just realize one day that we are all the same. We are all just trying to be friends in this world and we need to do it together.”

“I’m glad I have you as my friend.” He said.

She smiled and looked at him. “Me too.” and the two hugged.

If you’re interested in reading more about 9/11 and a recounting of the events, check out Feathers in the Wind in Ruins of the Mind or listen to The Story Portal episode of Feathers in the Wind

Checkout Jack and Elaine’s other adventures

jack-elaine-the-power-of-laughter
  • Jason Stadtlander

Jack & Elaine – The Power of Laughter
Jack & Elaine – The Power of Laughter 1600 1200 Jason Stadtlander

The two children sat in their little chairs twenty feet off the ground inside the treehouse Jack’s father had built. Torrents of rain beat down on the shingled roof above and the air inside the treehouse was damp from the deluge outside. The two sat quietly, looking out the side window facing Jack’s home. The window had cross-members but no glass allowing the spring breeze to blow in. The small space was filled with the pleasant smell of fresh cut grass, wooden planks and cool crisp rain.

They didn’t need to speak. There was a comfort in the silence surrounding them, it was something Jack enjoyed—a friend who enjoyed solitude as much as he.

Jack looked over at Elaine. Her arms were propped on the sill of the window, her chin resting on top. “Want to play a game?” he asked.

Elaine turned to him and smiled. “Sure. What do you want to play?”

Jack stood up and walked over to the small bookcase next to the wall and pulled out a deck of Fish cards. “Go Fish?”

“Okay,” she said happily.

Jack sat down at the small table as Elaine pulled their little chairs over to the table. He dealt out five cards each and the two sat facing each other, eager to make matches. Elaine asked Jack for a shark. He had none. So, she pulled a card from the pile, then looked over at Jack.

“Jack, why were those boys teasing you on the bus the other day?”

Jack shrugged. “Do you have any starfish?”

“No,” she replied, watching Jack pull a card from the pile. “Why do you let them pick on you? You’re stronger than that.”

He looked at her, her fire-red hair made her blue eyes seem brighter than they might have been had her hair been brown or blond. “Why do you care?”

Elaine shrugged, “Just do. I don’t like bullies. What do you like to do at school?”

“I don’t really like school very much. I usually just play on the playground or read a book. I like to read.”

Elaine’s face lit up. “Me too! What do you like to read?”

Jack looked past Elaine, contemplating his favorite books. “I like Amelia Bedelia—she’s funny. Also the Gruffalo. My daddy does really good voices for the Gruffalo.”

Elaine laughed. “I like her too! Amelia Bedelia is so silly!” Her laugh was so light- hearted it made Jack laugh too. Elaine added, “Did you read the one where she was asked to put out the lights . . . ” She began giggling, “and Amelia took all the light bulbs out and hung them on the clothesline?”

Suddenly, the tiny redhead was laughing so hard she was crying. Her laugh was infectious. Jack, in turn, began laughing along with her.

“Put them on a clothesline!” he repeated, laughing even harder. He began laughing so hard he started to cry and fell out of the hair which only made Elaine and Jack laugh harder. She jumped down on the floor next to him laughing.

The two six-year-olds were now in a complete fit of giggles on the floor inside the tree-house, the Fish cards strewn all around them.

A few minutes later, they sat up, still laughing, wiping tears from their eyes. Jack felt as he had never felt before—carefree and alive—living life as all children should, was something he wasn’t sure he had ever done before. How the friendship of a young girl named Elaine, could touch him so deeply was something he couldn’t quite grasp, but he was happy to have her as a friend.

And so the two sat, playing Go Fish, talking and giggling over other stories they had read.

Checkout Jack and Elaine’s other adventures

Being Positive in a Negative World
  • Jason Stadtlander

Positive Thinking in a Negative World
Positive Thinking in a Negative World 1024 768 Jason Stadtlander

All around us negative things are going on.

Here in the U.S. we are in the process of impeaching our leader and if that is not the current topic, then there is an array of topics that both liberals and conservatives will be happy to throw at you. Shootings are regularly occurring (again, mostly in the U.S.). In other parts of the world, Britain is plagued with Brexit and a few violent eruptions that have recently been occurring, and there are talks of Prince Andrew having ties to Jeffrey Epstein. Iran has an onslaught of protests over government-set fuel prices and we won’t even start on what’s going on in Hong Kong.

All over the world, the economy is on the edge of a precipice that we are uncertain of. This coupled with concerns over retirement and handling our aging parents creates one giant snowball of stress, heartache, and pain.

In a nutshell, the world levels of negativity and pressure are a constant barrage on our daily lives. As a society, we try not to pay too much attention to these problems but historically we have chosen not to pay enough attention to them.

So, the real question is how do we cope with today’s problems and violent confrontations while continuing to raise children, embrace our families and still attempt to mitigate the violence and negativity all around us?

In a single word – communication. Communication with your family, your kids, your family, your friends, and even your co-workers.

I am not proposing that you go and complain about all the problems in the world. There is a significant difference between complaining and discussing.

  • Complaining envolves you walking into a room and verbally vomiting a negative spew of problems at someone.
  • Discussing, on the other hand, would be going to someone you know and trust and letting them know you’re concerned about XYZ and asking how they cope with it. Seeking their advice.

When it comes to children, you might be surprised how much the world’s actions are weighing even on their minds. Most likely, they have a very different perspective than you do. They are hearing things from their friends or their teachers. So it helps to see their perspective and hopefully impart your own wisdom or concerns.

Turning Things Positive

I’ll admit, this is something I struggle with. It is so easy to let the world around you bring you down or squash you. Here are a few things I do to maintain a positive outlook:

  • Appreciate your health. Even if you aren’t the healthiest or even if you’re battling a terrible disease. At the moment, you’re on this side of the ground and you are able to fight. That is always a good thing.
  • Embrace those you love. It may sound silly. But the next time you’re at home, hug your child or your husband or your wife or your girlfriend or your boyfriend. There doesn’t have to be a reason. A hug can do HUGE things in a negative world. It connects us – human to human and touch is a critical thing.
  • Talk to those you care about and ignore those who bring you down. There are always the Debbie Downers out there, keep your conversations with them short. Look to those who you care about and reach out to them even if they don’t reach out to you. There will come a day that you will wish they were there to reach out to.
  • Help others. Research shows that helping others actually creates endorphins which is a brain chemical that will improve your mood.  We are selfish creatures by nature. The act of helping others not only makes their lives better, but it gives you a feeling of self-worth.
  • Resolve problems. Conflict resolution is critical. If you are angry at someone or irritated, approach the person and let them know you’ve been upset. But don’t forget to tell them the reason you are coming to them in the first place is that you don’t want to be upset anymore. Especially if they are someone that you care about.
  • Ask for help. Definitely the most important of all these. If all the negativity around you is feeling too overwhelming, go back to the “communicate” idea. Talk to someone that you care about. Let them know that you’re having a hard time with it.

The world is an amazing place, has a lot of positive elements and will continue to be, long after we are not around to be plagued by its problems. It is how we cope with the world around us and how we take it in that ultimately determines what kind of impact we can make.

Copyright © Jason Stadtlander - All Rights Reserved

Back to top