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Jason Stadtlander

  • Jason Stadtlander

Mortality – How will you be remembered?
Mortality – How will you be remembered? 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

There will come a time when all of us are no longer walking on this planet.

I know… positive topic, but I’m sure you all think about this from time to time.

Wooden Cross Alone

Most times people are remembered by the things they do or the people the touch. But often, people are remembered by the way they died or where they died.

You can be driving along the road and see a cross along the side of the road, remembering that someone was killed by a drunk driver. Or see a wing in a library dedicated in memory of someone that loved to read.

No one can be sure how they will be remembered. It all depends on what you do with your life, who you touch and what the circumstances around your death will be.

So my question to you is how will you be remembered?

  • Will you be remembered by a small cross along the highway?
  • Will you be remembered by the laughter that you brought to people?
  • Will you be remembered through your children and what they’ve learned from you?
  • Will you be remembered for your art?
  • Will you be remembered through the battle you fought?
  • Will you be remembered as a tyrant or a slime ball?
  • Will you be remembered as a scoundrel and liar – an example of who not to be?
  • Will you be remembered as someone that helped those in need?

And what evidence will there be that you were here in the end?

A hundred and fifty years from now, those that we touched will most likely no longer be around. So what evidence will there be that you existed and made a difference (no matter how small) on the world around you?

  • Will there be a monument in your name?
  • Will there be a wing on a hospital in your name?
  • Will there be a simple wooden cross?
  • Will there be a tombstone?
  • Will there be videos of you imparting your wisdom on the generations to come?
  • Will there be songs that still touch people centuries after you’ve gone?
  • Will there be a quote that people remember you saying?
  • Will there be website dedicated to you in honor of a cause you fought?
  • Will there be a company that you created that continues to flourish?

There is a poem that I’ve read that always strikes a cord with me. But – in the end I’m not sure that it applies to more than a hundred or so years beyond the average person’s existence.

“THE MEASURE OF A MAN”

Not – How did he die? But – How did he live?
Not – What did he gain? But – What did he give?

These are the things that measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not – What was his station? But – had he a heart?
And – How did he play his God-given part?

Was he ever ready with a word of good cheer?
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not – What was his church? Not – What was his creed?
But – Had he befriended those really in need?

Not – What did the sketch in the newspaper say?
But – How many were sorry when he passed away?

These are the things that measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

 Author: Anonymous

  • Jason Stadtlander

Life and the Volcano of Stress
Life and the Volcano of Stress 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

All of us handle stress differently, some try to unwind by running or exercising, others try to relax by reading a book. What happens though, when the stress is so unbearable that you feel it will crack? What happens when you literally don’t have time to use your normal methods to cool down?

The big question: What is the breaking point of the human mind and its ability to handle stress?

Eventually, you can reach a point in time when daily life feels so hard that you are certain you will break like a branch in the wind. There is that single moment that we can reach that is the trigger point for nervous breakdowns or even suicide.

What is stress exactly?

Let’s first look at what stress is. Stress is your body’s physical response to events or problems that upset your natural balance. When you feel in danger (real or imagined) your body reacts to guard you. When your ability to handle stress is operating normally, it can help you, aiding in your ability to focus and stay alert. When it malfunctions due to stress overload it can have adverse affects on your mind, body and your emotions and how you perceive the world around you.

Unbearable StressSevere stress can lead to:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Illness
  • Emotional Shutdown (numbness)

Coping mechanisms

How can you cope with extreme stress without taking drastic actions? It’s not easy. I, myself have recently been trying to handle that and it can be very, very unnerving. I have personally found that sleep can be an extraordinary method of stress reduction. Even if it takes something to help you sleep, forcing yourself to sleep can help the mind rest and help you find a way to deal with problems that otherwise you wouldn’t be able to.

Some people choose to deal with stress by:

  • Working out
  • Praying
  • Reckless actions (sex, drugs, alcohol)
  • Vacationing
  • Meditating
  • Singing or playing music

Taking time to get up and step away, even if it’s only to go get coffee or meander somewhere (regardless of whether you have time or not) can help. If you have a choice of blowing up at someone about something that is not related to them or getting out of the room to depressurize, it’s always better to do the latter. Nothing is so important (except maybe saving someone’s life) that you can’t step out of the moment. It can mean the difference between snapping or simply bending the branch that is your psyche. Because you won’t be any good to yourself or the people around you if you really do have a nervous breakdown or worse.

 Discussion

Please, let me and others know below, how do you cope with extreme stress? I value your input and advice.

 

  • Jason Stadtlander

Fire and Ice – The Value of a Touch
Fire and Ice – The Value of a Touch 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Emotions are like seeds and you can choose to feed them or to kill them.

All my life I’ve been a very emotional person. My emotions are a driving force that help to provide a voice in my writing.

In the past decade I have run into more circumstances than I expected, that put me in such an extremely emotionally stressful situations, that at times it had been absolutely unbearable. The past five years have proven to be some of the most difficult years I’ve ever experienced. During these turbulent times, I’ve chosen to be numb and bury my emotions.

However, emotions being what they are, cannot remain buried forever. They must reach, and grow to the surface eventually… Otherwise they can rot away at the very core of who and what we are.

They sometimes rise to the surface with the ferocity of liquid fire, boiling over and sometimes exploding on anyone within reach. Other times they crack off of the human soul like ice, causing a person to burst out crying when they least expect it and for no apparent reason at all. Or perhaps laugh at something that completely lacks humor.

What happens when the tides are too strong to be moved and diverted? Is there a limit to what we as humans can handle emotionally? I think that it’s only through our ability to express (artistically) and connect with one another that can allow us to hold back the tidal waves that bite at the seawall of our soul.

Even our artistic and creative expression can be disturbing, disjointed and empty. In these most dire of times, what can we do to ensure that we don’t fall into the abyss of cascading downward thought?

Touch of a friendI believe there is only one real answer, and sadly one that not everyone finds, is love. It doesn’t have to be romantic love, it can be love from a friend, an acquaintance, or simply a touch from another person that cares. I remember as a child, my grandparents, teachers and friends… They always had no problem touching a shoulder, giving a hug or providing comfort when it was needed.

What has happened to our society that it is so wrong to be touched? We seem to have a hard time as a society finding a comfortable balance between ‘comfort’ and ‘discomfort’. Is it wrong for a person that you don’t know very well to put a hand on your shoulder or on your hand?

  • Jason Stadtlander

SVM Chronicles: January 18
SVM Chronicles: January 18 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s been gone now for thirteen years. The world is definitely a better place since she has left and my life has really done a full one eighty since then. However, I will admit that her legacy will haunt my world for the rest of my life. I wonder all the time if it will affect others in our family though. It’s one of my deepest  fears. Yes, I know, you would never think so, but I do have fears. Most of my fears revolve around my children or the fact that I am not as skilled a hunter as I believe myself to be. Surely those fears are unjustified, but they are there none-the-less.

So what does one do on the birthday of Marion Smythwick? I will do what I have done every year since her death. I will go to her grave in Manataqua Point Cemetery on Essex Street and place a flower on her grave, then I eat my lunch sitting on a stool near her headstone.

Today it’s bitterly cold with a bit of snow left over, but that somehow that seems fitting and I will not change my tradition. She is after all, my mother.

I wonder, if I should ever tell my children about the darkness in our family history. A darkness that I carry on – somewhat unwillingly.

Happy Birthday Mom, may you find the peace in death that you never had in life.

 

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

  • Jason Stadtlander

Mortality, Family and Reality – The need to say “I love you”
Mortality, Family and Reality – The need to say “I love you” 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

The last ten days have been some of the hardest in my life. I don’t often share my personal life with the public and prefer to keep it at a distance. However, when all is said and done, what is the point of not talking about my thoughts, other than the fact that no one will hear?

Less than a week ago, I could have lost someone who means the world to me. A person that has been a critical part of my life since the day I was born. This person, who I will not mention at the moment… I have spoken with nearly every day for the last ten years, despite the fact we are nearly 1000 miles from each other.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][box style=”quote”]”The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
~ Abraham Lincoln[/box]

One day… Everyday, to make a choice. A choice to talk to those we love, those that mean the most to us, those that if they were gone tomorrow, we just might have a few things we still want to tell them.

Tell the ones you love how you feel every dayI know that if I lost this person, that I will have known they loved me and that they know I loved them. Are there others that don’t fit statement in my life? Absolutely. Can you say the same? What would happen if you lost your spouse, partner, best friend, brother, sister, mother, father, grandparent or child? Can you say that you have let them know how you feel or told them everything you’d want them to know?

Our life is so incredibly short and can end with a whimper or a bang, but either way you never know when it’s your time. Not really anyway. So I am asking you… Please take the time to talk to those that matter most in your life. Take a few minutes everyday to tell them how much they mean to you. Because as morbid as it sounds, everyday is one less day you’ll have to tell them, and you never know if today is that last day. We all need to learn to appreciate this moment, right now, this day that you are still able to reach-out and tell them “I love you”.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Jason Stadtlander

SVM Chronicles – January 3rd
SVM Chronicles – January 3rd 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

I sit here in my house, looking out at the snow as it falls softly through the bay windows. My spouse and the children are in the living room by the fire, but I choose the den. I’ve been debating whether I should go out and shovel. I’d really prefer not. 

It has been a nice year so far, only three days in. It may be 6 degrees outside, but I had a wonderful fire going only eight hours ago. To say that Santa made it down the chimney would be an understatement. There is one less person in the world to harm the children of the world and I feel as though I’ve had my much needed release. It’s been far too long since I let myself hunt. I need the kill as much as it needs me. 

And what good does it do for me to prevent myself from taking the pleasure that I so badly need? All I do is get stressed beyond all comprehension and prevent the world from being cleansed. The monster needs to be let out once in a while to go for a run or it will take me over. 

How can I be expected to be a good parent and spouse if I can’t find a way to satisfy my own inner workings? I can’t. That’s the plain truth. I make time for family, and work and I even make time for being a good partner. What I do not do enough of, is make time for myself. How can a hero even try to save the world around them if they don’t find time for themselves?

Fox HuntI do have another problem, that has been plaguing me. Something else that I’ve been thinking about incessantly. Ms. Lacitor, the good detective from Northwood. Can I trust her to keep my secret hidden? I do not want to harm her, but I also can’t risk the truth getting out. So far, I believe I can trust her. I believe though, that I must keep a vigilant eye on her and ensure that our friendship remains a friendship. There is such a fine line between friend and enemy. A friend is an enemy that you can enjoy being around, in my opinion. Or, perhaps a friend is a person with the potential of being an enemy in the knowledge that they posses. 

She knows so much about me, too much. Too much damaging information, yet she stays her hand in turning me in. Why?

Would I do the same in her shoes? I don’t know. I may have to find a way to test this new-found friend. A way to find out how strong her loyalties are. I would never let her participate in a kill, but in years past many English lords used to take their friends on a fox hunt to build comradery. Perhaps a ‘hunt’ would help to solidify that trust. How can one turn on someone when the blood is on their own hands as well?

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

  • Jason Stadtlander

Las crónicas de la bestia: 19 de diciembre
Las crónicas de la bestia: 19 de diciembre 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

¿Qué tiene el ambiente de mi furgoneta de caza que me da tanta paz? El olor a pureza. La sangre de los sucios que han atormentado este mundo ha fluido por el desagüe de esta furgoneta. Solo al pasar por este vehículo su sangre se purifica y, consecuentemente, el mundo que nos rodea. Uno podría pensar en ello como un triturador de basura para la mejora del mundo. Se sube un pederasta, un predador, un acosador…. Y el mundo exterior se vuelve más pacífico.

Parsley SantaEstoy aquí, en el trono de mi baño de sangre, ahora más limpia que cuando salió del concesionario. El olor a lejía se instala en mis fosas nasales, acentuado por el olor a cuero limpio del asiento delantero y del panel del salpicadero.

Después de haber investigado al Sr. Boris Pasternak, sigo aquí, vigilando su apartamento de Lynn Shore Drive. Los niños de los hospitales a los que visita le conocen como Santa Claus y yo pretendo regalarle un viaje en mi furgoneta hasta su Laponia natal. Los orígenes de Pasternak son eslavos y judíos; Pasternak significa «nabo blanco» o «perejil». Sr. Perejil de todas las salsas, dentro de poco condimentarás una muy especial.

No importa cuántas personas elimine de este miserable planeta en un intento de purificación; siempre parece que hay alguien dispuesto a tomar su papel. Son como bacterias, alimentándose en la comunidad como una plaga invisible. Descomponiéndose en pus que debe ser supurada de la estructura de la sociedad. ¿Puede ser posible educar este deseo de dañar niños? Sé que para algunos es sin querer: un ataque de rabia, una palabrota en un momento de máximo estrés… Pero esos no son a los que doy caza. Los animales que cazo son los que pregonan su objetivo y llevan a cabo su propia metodología en sus acciones. Un plan que siguen durante largos periodos de tiempo para nada más que su propio disfrute personal.

A pesar de que disfruto de mi trabajo, el cansancio comienza a hacer mella en mí. No soy más que una persona que intenta deshacerse de mucho daño en el mundo. Creo que las vacaciones aumentan mi fatiga.

La bestia permaneció mirando por la ventana mientras un rollizo y alegre hombre salía por la puerta principal del edificio de apartamentos, llevando consigo una bolsa beige que, sin lugar a dudas, rebosaba pequeños regalos.

La parte triste es que muchos niños estarán contentos de verle. Muchos niños que necesitan un estímulo para estar sanos de nuevo. Pensemos en esto de forma lógica: ¿un hombre rollizo y alegre (que seguramente no consiga nada donde lo necesita) brincando entre un puñado de renos y tratando de pasar tiempo con niños? Se masca la tragedia desde la distancia.

Creo que va siendo hora de picar algunas hierbas.

La bestia encendió el motor de la furgoneta y siguió la Camry azul que salía del aparcamiento.

Acerca de Las crónicas de la bestia

El legado de la bestia (The Steel Van Man) es un thriller publicado en diciembre de 2013 sobre un asesino en serie que da caza a aquellos que abusan de niños. Puedes conseguir el libro completoaquí. Las crónicas son la continuación diaria de la bestia desde su punto de vista mientras continúa con su vida diaria.

  • Jason Stadtlander

SVM Chronicles – December 19th
SVM Chronicles – December 19th 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

What is it about the environment of my kill van that gives me peace? The smell of cleanliness. The blood of the filth that has tormented this world, has flowed through the gutters of this van. Only by passing through this vehicle is their blood cleansed and subsequently the world around us. One might think of it as a mobile garbage disposal for the betterment of the world around us. In comes a child molester, a predator, an  abuser – and out comes a more peaceful world.

Parsley SantaI am sitting here, in the captains chair of my blood bath, now cleaner than the day that it rolled off the show room floor. The smell of bleach fills my nostrils accented by the smell of the clean leather seats up front and the leather dash. 

Having already vetted Mr. Boris Pasternak I am sitting here, watching his apartment on Lynn Shore Drive. Known better to the children at the hospitals he visits as Santa Clause, I intend to show him my Santa Claws. Pasternak; it’s origins are slavik – Jewish, meaning “White Turnip” or “Parsley”. Well Mr. Parsley, your times are short. 

No matter how many people I remove from this wretched planet in an effort to cleanse, there always seems to be someone to take their place. They are like bacteria, feeding on the community like an unseen plague. Festering into a puss that must be oozed from the fabric of society. Is it ever possible to breed out this desire to harm children? I know that for some it’s unintentional, a fit of anger, a lash-out in a moment of extreme stress. But those aren’t the ones I hunt. The animals I prey on are the ones that have a self-proclaimed purpose, a methodology for their actions. A plan that they follow over long periods of time for nothing more than their own self gratification. 

Although I do enjoy my work, I am also fatigued. I am but one person trying to rid the world of so much damage. I think the holidays seem to bring it on even more. 

The hunter stared out the window as a fat jolly man stepped out of the front door on the apartment building, carrying a large beige bag, no doubt overflowing with small presents.

The sad part is, there are so many children that will be happy to see him. So many children that need that encouragement to get healthy again. Let’s think about this logically though, a fat ‘jolly’ man (who I’m sure gets nothing where he needs it), prancing around with a bunch of reindeer getting to spend time with children? It spells disaster for far too many. 

I think it’s time to chop some herbs.

The hunter put the van in drive and followed the blue Camry as it pulled out of the parking lot.

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

  • Jason Stadtlander

Las crónicas de la bestia: 16 de diciembre
Las crónicas de la bestia: 16 de diciembre 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Es raro qué recuerdos son los que emergen en nuestra mente de vez en cuando.

Hoy mientras dejaba a mis hijos en la escuela de Beverly, pensé en mis andanzas como estudiante de educación primaria. Recuerdo días de días de frío glacial como este, de pie en el patio con mis botas nuevas de invierno.

Childhood InnocenseEstaba usando el talón de mis botas para golpear el hielo, rompiéndolo y liberándolo del asfalto. Una profesora, la Srta. Fleming, me pregunto qué era eso que estaba haciendo. Le dije que estaba rompiendo el hielo para que los otros niños no se hicieran daño. Me sonrió y me dijo que era una buena persona. Que yo recuerde, es la segunda vez que alguien me ha dicho eso, la otra fue siendo detective este último año.

¿Soy una buena persona? ¿Es posible que la persona que soy ahora no sea la persona que realmente soy? ¿Y si en realidad soy una colección de condiciones ambientales a las que he sido expuesto? Quizá… o quizá no.

No puedes desentrenar a alguien. No puedes enseñar a un asesino a no matar a nadie más, de la misma forma que no le puedes hacer que alguien desaprenda a leer. Una vez que las habilidades y los conocimientos están ahí, deben ser usados. Se mantienen firmes por sí solos. Una persona que conoce las señales de tráfico no puede obviarlas en la carretera, es una segunda naturaleza. Mi caza, mi código… son mi segunda naturaleza.

Estaría mintiendo si dijera que no echo de menos aquellos días en el recreo. Deseo de vez en cuando poder desaprender lo que sé. Sin embargo, no confundáis mi deseo de volver a la inocencia por arrepentimiento. No me arrepiento de quién y qué soy. Dios me creó con un objetivo y cada vez que dudo de ese objetivo, miro a los preciosos ojos de mis hijos.

Solo mediante mis acciones puedo asegurar que este mundo se está convirtiendo en un mundo mejor.

Acerca de Las crónicas de la bestia

El legado de la bestia (The Steel Van Man) es un thriller publicado en diciembre de 2013 sobre un asesino en serie que da caza a aquellos que abusan de niños. Puedes conseguir el libro completo aquí. Las crónicas son la continuación diaria de la bestia desde su punto de vista mientras continúa con su vida diaria.

  • Jason Stadtlander

SVM Chronicles – December 16th
SVM Chronicles – December 16th 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

It’s strange what memories surface from time to time.

I was dropping off my children at school today in Beverly and thought about when I was in elementary school. I remember frigid icy days like this, standing out on the playground in my new winter boots.

Childhood InnocenseI was using the hard heel of my boots to hammer on the ice, breaking it free from the asphalt. One teacher; Mrs. Fleming, asked me what I was doing. I told her I was breaking up the ice so other kids didn’t get hurt. She smiled and said that I was a good person. She is the second person to say that to me that I can remember, the other being a detective last year.

Am I a good person? Is it ever possible that the person that I am now is not the person I really am? But rather a collection of the environmental conditions to which I have been exposed? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

There is no untraining someone though. You can’t teach a killer not to kill anymore than you can teach a person not to read. Once the skills and the knowledge are there, they must be used. They assert themselves all on their own. A person who knows how to read can’t help but read the signs on the road, it’s second nature. My hunt, my code… It’s second nature to me.

I would be lying though, if I said I didn’t miss that small child on the playground. I do wish from time to time, that I could unlearn what I know. Do not mistake my desire to return to innocence as regret, however. I have no regrets about who and what I am. God created me for a purpose and anytime I doubt that purpose, I just look in the beautiful eyes of my children.

Only through my actions can I ensure this world is becoming a better place.

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

Copyright © Jason Stadtlander - All Rights Reserved

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