It’s strange what memories surface from time to time.
I was dropping off my children at school today in Beverly and thought about when I was in elementary school. I remember frigid icy days like this, standing out on the playground in my new winter boots.
I was using the hard heel of my boots to hammer on the ice, breaking it free from the asphalt. One teacher; Mrs. Fleming, asked me what I was doing. I told her I was breaking up the ice so other kids didn’t get hurt. She smiled and said that I was a good person. She is the second person to say that to me that I can remember, the other being a detective last year.
Am I a good person? Is it ever possible that the person that I am now is not the person I really am? But rather a collection of the environmental conditions to which I have been exposed? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
There is no untraining someone though. You can’t teach a killer not to kill anymore than you can teach a person not to read. Once the skills and the knowledge are there, they must be used. They assert themselves all on their own. A person who knows how to read can’t help but read the signs on the road, it’s second nature. My hunt, my code… It’s second nature to me.
I would be lying though, if I said I didn’t miss that small child on the playground. I do wish from time to time, that I could unlearn what I know. Do not mistake my desire to return to innocence as regret, however. I have no regrets about who and what I am. God created me for a purpose and anytime I doubt that purpose, I just look in the beautiful eyes of my children.
Only through my actions can I ensure this world is becoming a better place.
About The Steel Van Man Chronicles
The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.
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