Twisted Thursday: Massholes – It’s Their World, I Just Live in it

Twisted Thursday: Massholes – It’s Their World, I Just Live in it

I know, commenting on the state you live in is sort of like a goldfish sticking his tongue out at the sharks -but living in Massachusetts can at times be like living in a whole different universe.

There are 6,646,144 people living in Massachusetts (according to 2012 census). Of those, 53% were not born in the state, including me. Yes, that’s right – I’m a transplant. Most of you who know me, know that I was born in Ohio, cow-town USA…oh, sorry, I meant Columbus.

Massachusetts is interesting. It really is a wonderful state. Even though it’s tiny in comparison to other states I’ve lived in, there is so much diversity here. Not only are people from nearly ever walk of life, but there are awesome parks, tons of history, culture, museums and massholes.

Massholes, you say? What is a masshole? No, it’s not a mole that has strangely mutated into a Massachusetts-only animal. No, it’s not a giant pot-hole that you need to be cautious about falling into.

Masshole

Experienced Masshole

Urban Dictionary has several definitions – but in the interest of keeping the blog family-friendly, I chose this definition:

1. For residents of Massachusetts, it is an achieved title for driving faster, being wreck-less, cutting other drivers off often, and having no patience for other drivers on the road.

That’s right, it is a coveted award provided to those who really don’t give a hoot about anyone else around them. I would also add to the definition that it can also be a pedestrian who thinks the sidewalk was laid out only for them. How dare others walk on their sidewalk!  

This has been a long-debated illness, researched and analyzed by the world’s greatest doctors and researchers. However, any time they attempt to ask a masshole a question, their head is bitten off and sadly, the research is lost.

Masshole in Training

Masshole in Training

Massholes follow these generalizations:

  • They are generally taught at a young age to have no respect for other people in their community.
  • They are not granted a driver’s license unless they can show the Registry of Motor Vehicles that they can adequately flip someone off.
  • They must be able to and consistently park so that that their vehicle consumes two parking spaces with one vehicle.
  • They must believe that their state (Massachusetts) is the only valid state in the union.
  • They must be willing to kill a NY Yankee despite how attractive or nice the Yankee might be.
  • They must be willing to give someone their opinion at any time, especially when other people don’t want to hear it.
Masshole Parking

Masshole Parking

  • Understand that St. Patricks Day is the only official holiday.
  • Must be willing to cut someone off, even if it means damaging their own car.
  • Yes, that pretty well defines the Masshole. In short, if you see someone out there driving around with a Masschusetts license plate and they have a knack for really pissing you off, I formally apologize from the rest of our state. That is, of course, unless it’s my car cutting you off.

    August 22nd, 2013|Blog, Twisted Thursday|5 Comments

    5 Comments

    1. Grace Sheikh August 23, 2013 at 7:52 pm - Reply

      It's about time someone actually verbalized what being a "masshole" is all about. Coming from the Midwest, I can definitely tell you… It exists!!! Per-children, I didn't notice this behavior as much as I do now. It's wrong to feel like you have "entitlement" to the road, your bad mood, or what you believe common sense to be. I have been at a busy highway entrance ramp with my kids in the car, 5 and 3, and some crazy guy, a.k.a, masshole, was blaring his horn at me, yelling obscenities out the window, urging me to drive my children into busy highway traffic. So, what happened? Well…. In Detroit, you can't pull that s***… I put the car in park, got out of the car, and faced him… He was shouting like a lunatic at me… Don't mess with the safety of my kids…. I preceded to tell him in my Midwest way, "hey asshole, why don't you calm down! My kids are in the car, there is traffic coming and we can't go anywhere!!!" It didn't calm him down, but I felt better to give the masshole a piece of my mind…
      Love this article! In stitches!!

    2. Jason P. Stadtlander, Author August 23, 2013 at 11:05 pm - Reply

      Case in point. 🙂

    3. Meaghan Dalton August 24, 2013 at 12:25 pm - Reply

      haha!

    4. […] Twisted Thursday: Massholes – It’s Their World, I Just Live in it […]

    5. […] Massholes are typical drivers. […]

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