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Jason Stadtlander

  • Jason Stadtlander

Just Surviving
Just Surviving 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

The beat of my heart
The sound of the dark
A pounding reverberates from deep inside
Throbbing my ears and welling up tears
Feeling the moment alone in the dark
The loneliness snares leaving its mark

Where do we go when nothing is left
When what was is not now
And what will is no more
The tumultuous waters which leave from the shore
Carry us, churn us and muddle inside
Leaving a path of separate divide

For the past is the past and cannot be undone
The future to hold cannot be unspun
A thread we are given
A thread we will take
Living our life, surviving the wake
And when that thread breaks
When nothing is left
What then can we do, but cower and quake

To exist in this limbo with ‘normal’ around
People walk through their lives and don’t notice my sound
I’m part of the scenery, barely survive
Wanting to be, but scarcely alive

Who am I but your background
A life I once lived
Now dying alone
A fate I forgive

For the line is drawn and I am raddled
Forward I ride as the horses are saddled
And on I must trot to whatever may be
To a different life to set my soul free
  • Jason Stadtlander

Then and Now: How 9/11 Changed the United States 13 Years Later
Then and Now: How 9/11 Changed the United States 13 Years Later Jason Stadtlander

As dusk swallowed the day on Oct. 15, 2001, I sat in the cockpit of the Piper Warrior I was planning to fly from Lawrence, Massachusetts, to Sanford, Maine. My plan was to perform “touch and gos,” basically maneuvers to practice takeoffs and landings. I had done my weight and balance, checked the weather, and found that there was a light crosswind but nothing that should adversely affect the flight. At the time I had about 120 hours logged as pilot in command and was looking forward to my first flight since before 9/11.

The planes for the school that I rented from, Beverly Flight Center, had been moved to Lawrence, as Beverly’s airport was within Boston’s Class C airspace, which was still under a lockdown due to the tragic events of Sept. 11.

I checked ATIS (the weather and information channel at the airport) and requested permission to taxi to the active runway. Taxiing just shy of the active runway, I stopped at the run-up area and checked all my flight systems and flight surfaces, as I had done many times before. I dialed in the tower on my radio and prepared to request clearance. That’s when my finger froze over the mic trigger. I looked down at my hand, and I was visibly shaking. I took my hand off the yoke, engine idling, and I realized that I was scared — scared to death to get back into the air. A flood of emotions came over me, and I looked at the runway, lights illuminating the beautiful track that would allow me to go wherever my plane could fly. For the first time since I had sat in the cockpit, the magic was gone; there was just sadness. A group of people had taken something that I loved more than anything — flight — and they had used it as a weapon, something to kill my own people, thousands of innocent lives, for one purpose: to put fear in the hearts of the people of my country and the world… and it had worked.

That was when I truly realized that nothing would ever be the same.

It would take me another three years before I would sit down and write “Feathers in the Wind” in my book Ruins of the Mind, a story about two fictitious people placed on Flight 11, where I take the reader through the detailed events based on transcripts I had obtained from the NTSB and interviews I had with people. As I was writing the piece, it got into my heart that these people weren’t just flight attendants, pilots or passengers. They were human, all part of the same species, all people who loved and had careers, families, children, parents, aunts, uncles and friends who cared so much about them. In those final moments, they were scared, alone and so disconnected from their reality that it must have seemed almost surreal.


Aftermath of 9-11

It was a wake-up call, not only for us as Americans but for those in many parts of the world. It forced us to open our eyes to a world that had been under our nose for so long, but we’d chosen to ignore it. The Middle East had faced these terrorist acts day in and day out, but it always seemed disconnected, disjointed and never spoken of very much in the United States. That would all change with the events of that Tuesday morning.

Thirteen years later, I believe we have once again become complacent with some issues. The media is once again only showing us what they want us to see rather than what is actually going on.

Here’s how our world has changed.

Then: Before 9/11

  • We could walk with our loved ones and friends to their gate and watch their planes depart.
  • We could show up minutes before a flight and run to make it.
  • We could walk freely into stadiums, courthouses and public arenas.
  • We could board planes without removing any clothing, shoes or belts.
  • Our bags were not searched with a fine-tooth comb by grumpy TSA agents.
  • We could carry normal bottles of shampoo instead of struggling to find a way to carry our favorite toiletries in quantities less than 3.4 ounces.
  • We could pull up to the curb and wait for passengers without being chased off by security.
  • We could show our children the cockpit of a big jet.
  • Few people had ever heard of the Taliban, Osama bin Laden or al-Qaida.
  • It was easier to accept people regardless of their differences.

Now: After 9/11

  • We must plan to be at the airport at least an hour before a domestic flight, and two hours before an international flight.
  • The TSA was created with the mission to protect all passenger and freight transportation.
  • Solid bulletproof doors protect the cockpit of all commercial aircraft.
  • Only ticketed passengers may pass through security.
  • No liquids (with the exception of juices for children) are permitted through security.
  • Shoes must be taken off to be scanned at most airports worldwide.
  • The entire world has learned to beef up security, from phones to computers to buildings, to homes.
  • We can’t afford to be innocent anymore.
  • Postal workers now always ask, “Does this parcel contain anything fragile, liquid, perishable, or potentially hazardous?” (as if a terrorist will chime up, “Why, yes, ma’am, there’s a bomb in there”).
  • According to Psychology Today, fears and anxiety have risen with a feeling of loss of safety and security.
  • Politicians and political activists have found the new fears to be a solid platform for attempting to take away the rights of American citizens in the name of security.
  • I believe this is the worst trait: We can’t help but look at everyone with a skeptical eye. Racial profiling has become commonplace, whether we want to admit it or not.

Source: Huffington Post
  • Jason Stadtlander

Tiny Treasures, Red Leaves and Lucky Pennies
Tiny Treasures, Red Leaves and Lucky Pennies 2560 1440 Jason Stadtlander

Arriving at my children’s school, I get out of my car and my children follow suit, grab their backpacks and we walk toward the door. Along the way my youngest sees a few autumn leaves on the ground, despite the fact that it’s only one day after labor day.

He reaches down and finds the two most red, beautiful leaves and hands one to me. This is a very common practice with him. I smile at him and he trots off toward the door, holding my cell phone that he is talking to his grandfather 800 miles away on. Another common practice, our morning call to my father and something that brings a smile to their face and gets my father’s day off to a wonderful start.

We go into the school and I check them in for early drop-off, give them each a hug and as I’m leaving, my son walks over and hands me his red leaf.

“Why did you give that to me? You already gave me the other red leaf.” I say

To which he replies, “Two red leaves are better than one.” and he runs over to the Lego bin.

I suppose one can’t argue with that logic. So, I take my extra leaf and go to the car, sit down and place the two red leaves next to the four other leaves he’s given me over the past few weeks and the three lucky pennies he has given me. I take a moment to examine them. All six leaves and three pennies, one of which is a hay penny. My other son doesn’t tend to find ‘trash to treasure gifts’, he usually colors me creative pictures or makes me a sculpture, but these bits from either boy are more valuable than all the money in the world. Little treasures for a child, big treasures for a parent (at least this parent).

As an adult we spend day in and day out, seeking the dollar, chasing the sun and trying find that perfect peace, that perfect moment. As a parent, I find those perfect peaceful times and perfect moments are all around me, mind you not as often as I’d like, but they are there. Even as I sit here at my desk writing this article, I see 8 photographs of my children and at least 7 pieces of artwork, sculptures, sock snowmen, rock men and pine cone people all around me. Hidden where no one can see, I keep my old leaves from years past and my lucky pennies. My “tiny treasures”.

Strangely, these items mean something to me and I’m sure my father and mother kept the same sort of things and their parents before them. I will admit to having held on to a tiny treasure or two, beyond their, um… expiration date. A berry that rotted, a walnut that may have had something in it that it shouldn’t have. It doesn’t change the fact however, that they were my tiny treasures.

What happens when these people who have these objects are no longer around? The objects get put back into world circulation, are thrown away into a landfill or are sold for some derived value.

What is interesting though, is that all of us are a part of these treasures, we are all connected to them. That penny in your pocket, very well may have been the lucky penny that a child gave to their mother. The same penny that ended up sitting on her dresser for years for no other reason than because her daughter gave it to her.

It is these tiny treasures, these small, seemingly insignificant items that make our daily treks all worthwhile.

What are your tiny treasures?

  • Jason Stadtlander

Farewell Robin Williams
Farewell Robin Williams 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

I wasn’t going to write a tribute, an article or an essay about Robin Williams. I never knew the man and I am no one of importance or notoriety. I am not an obsessed fan who showed up to see Robin shooting films and I did not hang on his every word.

Robin WilliamsI am simply one of millions of other people that were touched by Robin, which perhaps gives me as much a right to say something about him as much as anyone else.

Two weeks ago, I was walking casually through my father’s house on the tree farm where I grew up, passing through the living room on my way to the kitchen to grab a pretzel when Jody, a friend of my father and step-mother, casually called out “Robin Williams died today”. My two boys were siting on the leather couch in the living room petting my father’s golden retriever; Chester. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the television, transfixed by the news with the words “Robin Williams apparent suicide” emblazoned on the screen.

My youngest son looked at me and being the more empathic could tell instantly that I was affected by something. “Daddy? Who’s Robin Williams?”, having never seen Williams on film. I looked down at his innocent face gazing up at me and I said, “Just someone that I looked up to.” and I left the room.  I went out on the deck in the warm sunshine and sat down, saying nothing. The bright sunshine suddenly felt cold, devoid of it’s usual warmth.

Robin is one of those people in entertainment that is an anchor, someone that you always know is there and appears from time to time to warm your heart and make you laugh. His ability to instantly alter his personae and utterly change before your eyes (and I’m sure the eyes of everyone on set) gave him the ability to reach through the camera (or speaker in animated films) and touch you in ways that most people require physical hands and arms to. The ability to reach into your heart and massage it, whether it be through laughter or through a poignant performance such as that in Awakenings or What Dreams May Come is what set him apart beyond all others.

The fact that this beautiful man, father and husband died under the circumstances of depression or suicide is what hit me hardest, having struggled with it myself in the past. I instantly thought of What Dreams May Come and pictured Robin playing Chris Nielsen, a man that died in an accident and in turn found that his wife was in Hell because she had killed herself. Robin’s character Chris, literally fought through Hell and accepted her nightmare as his own, in turn, bringing back her memories just in time for him to be taken into her Hell. She, now remembering who he is, wanted to bring him back to heaven, thus saving herself and him from Hell.

I immediately thought of Robin there, now in her place. I’m not saying that people go to Hell when they commit suicide, I’m saying that under the interpretation of the movie, Chris did and I couldn’t help but instantly picture Robin there.

I first saw Robin Williams as many of us did, playing Mork and Mindy (Nanoo Nanoo). Gary Marshall who cast Robin once said that “Williams was the only alien who auditioned for the role”. Robin later went on to touch the lives of so many people in films like Mrs. Doubtfire, Awakenings, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam and so many others. These roles he played, these parts he thrust himself into, they didn’t just touch those of us who had the pleasure of watch him as an entertainer, they touched people who worked with him. People like Gary Marshall, Maura Wilson, Lisa Jakup and David Letterman. He had three beautiful children, Zelda, Zachary and Cody and he was married not long ago to Susan Schneider.

I have no doubt that he will be missed by those closest to him as well as those of us that weren’t close to him. If Robin is in a dark place such as that portrayed in What Dreams May Come, I have no doubt that all of us will help him out of it, lift him and carry him to where he belongs.

But why, you ask… “Why did you decide to write an article about Mr. Robin Williams today?” For one reason, the emphasis on how short and precious the human life is. Robin made an impact like a meteor, striking down from the heavens and left a lasting impression that will forever remain with all of us. People will tell stories, remember him, perhaps even make up stories about him, but what will remain true is that this life, this soul, will be remembered for what it did for humanity. For making us cry, for making us love and most importantly… that which what he would want to be remembered for most, for making us laugh.

I do wish I had the honor of meeting you, but you have touched my heart regardless. Love you Robin. Rest in peace.

  • Jason Stadtlander

Steel Van Man Selfie Challenge
Steel Van Man Selfie Challenge 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

  • Jason Stadtlander

Morning Chadder: New Concept Vehicle – The Enema
Morning Chadder: New Concept Vehicle – The Enema 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Morning Chadder: New Concept Car: The Enema

  • Jason Stadtlander

The Memories We Leave Behind
The Memories We Leave Behind 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Fading MemoriesA 53 year old woman stands in her daughter’s bedroom doorway, her daughter having left for college. She looks around at her daughter’s bedroom. A room that was home to a small baby with a mobile hanging over the crib, later a little girl played with Barbies, said her evening prayers and made forts out of blankets. Not long after, a teen girl rushed in and quickly took off her soccer uniform, dropping it in a heap on the floor so that she could go shopping with friends.

A man stands alone, in his new apartment, the walls adorned with photos of his children that are at their mother’s home. Beanie babies lay lifelessly on the couch where two days ago the children played and laughed. The children will be back, but in these silent moments, the minutes tick by with the weight of a sledgehammer. The absence of laughter and moments missed are difficult to bear.

A brother and sister in their 60s stand in the opening of the garage to the home in which they grew up. Having buried their last parent that morning, they have the unenviable task of sorting through old belongings… of sifting through the memories.

In the end, all that exists of those we know, those we knew and of ourselves are the memories left behind in our minds and the minds of others. Generations pass, and stories are told but memories are lost and inevitably we cease to exist as a person that had dreams, held babies and made love to those that filled our heart. Eventually we are but merely a fact on a piece of paper or in a computer database. A name, a date of birth and perhaps a location of where we lived.

It sounds sad, and it is. But what can we do to change this? What can we do to make sure that we are more that just a name or a date?

For years I have been hired to sit down with those who want to have their story recorded and passed down for generations to come. I believe it’s critical to make sure we record each other’s stories. We all have a story to tell.

Please sit down with your family member, no matter what their age, and record their story. Ask them questions about their childhood, about their marriage, about whatever means the most to them and pass it on. Don’t let the lives of those you love be merely a memory to be lost in the wind.
  • Jason Stadtlander

Re-runs Back Into The 1970’s and 1980’s
Re-runs Back Into The 1970’s and 1980’s Jason Stadtlander

This morning I was making breakfast for my children humming the theme to The Fall Guy. My son asked me what the song was and I said “It’s from an old re-run I used to watch called The Fall Guy.”

He looked at me and said earnestly, “What’s a ‘re-run’?”

That’s when it hit me that they have never seen a re-run. They have grown up in their short 7-9 years watching Netflix, YouTube, and DVR’d shows. They never have had to sit through a commercial that they couldn’t fast forward through or had to wait for re-runs to come out of their favorite show.

So, I took a moment and showed him the theme to The Fall Guy and he asked what other shows were around when I was little. Here are my top ten favorite shows (in no particular order) that I used to love or remember watching as re-runs of as a kid:

10: The Fall Guy

The Fall Guy was an American action/adventure television program produced for ABC and originally broadcast from November 4, 1981 to May 2, 1986. It starred Lee Majors, Douglas Barr, and Heather Thomas.

 

9: The Dukes of Hazard

The Dukes of Hazzard is an American television series that aired on the CBS television network from January 26, 1979 to February 8, 1985. The series starred Tom Wopat, John Schneider, Catherine Bach and James Best.

 

8: Laverne & Shirley

Laverne & Shirley is an American television sitcom that ran on ABC from January 27, 1976 to May 10, 1983. It starred Penny Marshall as Laverne De Fazio and Cindy Williams as Shirley Feeney, single roommates who worked as bottlecappers in a fictitious Milwaukee brewery called “Shotz Brewery.”

 

7: M*A*S*H

M*A*S*H is an American television series developed by Larry Gelbart, adapted from the 1970 feature film MASH (which was itself based on the 1968 novel MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors, by Richard Hooker). The series, which was produced in association with 20th Century Fox Television for CBS, follows a team of doctors and support staff stationed at the “4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital” in Uijeongbu, South Korea during the Korean War.

NOTE: I tried very hard to find the actual intro, but all I could find was the music.

 

6: Buck Rogers

The series starred Gil Gerard as Captain William “Buck” Rogers, a United States Air Force and NASA pilot who commands Ranger III, a space shuttle-like ship that is launched in 1987. When his ship flies through a space phenomenon containing a combination of gases, his ship’s life support systems malfunction and he is frozen and left drifting in space for 504 years.

 

5: Dallas

Dallas is a long-running American prime time television soap opera that aired from April 2, 1978, to May 3, 1991, on CBS. The series revolves around a wealthy and feuding Texan family, the Ewings, who own the independent oil company Ewing Oil and the cattle-ranching land of Southfork.

 

4: Hill Street Blues

Hill Street Blues is an American serial police drama that was first aired on NBC in 1981 and ran for 146 episodes on primetime into 1987.

 

3: Cheers

Cheers is an American sitcom television series that ran for eleven seasons from 1982 to 1993. It was produced by Charles/Burrows/Charles Productions in association with Paramount Network Television for NBC and created by the team of James Burrows, Glen Charles, and Les Charles.

 

2: Happy Days

Happy Days is an American television sitcom that aired first-run from January 15, 1974, to September 24, 1984, on ABC. Created by Garry Marshall, the series presents an idealized vision of life in the mid-1950s to mid-1960s United States.

 

1: Knight Rider

Knight Rider is an American television series that originally ran from September 26, 1982, to August 8, 1986. The series was broadcast on NBC and stars David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight, a high-tech modern crime fighter assisted by an advanced, artificially intelligent and nearly indestructible car.

 

I know there are a lot of good shows that aren’t listed. Trust me, I’ll do another list. I think next I might do a list of my favorite ‘family’ shows from this era.

What was your favorite show?

  • Jason Stadtlander

POEM: All I Ever Wanted
POEM: All I Ever Wanted 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

By Jason P. Stadtlander

 

All I ever wanted was your loveDon't try to change me
All I ever needed were your arms
All I ever needed was you to believe in me

You held my hand, walked with me
You had your vision of what to be
Your plan was a target to achieve
And I was your spike to drive home

But, all I ever wanted was your love
All I ever needed were your arms
All I ever needed was you to believe in me

I didn’t want to be a nail
To be hit on the head
To be twisted and turned
Forced to fit in a world that wasn’t

Why couldn’t you see that all I ever wanted was your love
All I ever needed were your arms
All I ever needed was you to believe in me

Your words were like ice
Your truth like teeth
Your tone cutting deep
Chewing through my heart

When all I ever wanted was your love
All I ever needed were your arms
All I ever needed was you to believe in me

Frozen are the plains of my soul
Glass are my eyes all fogged and forgotten
Cold is the fire left burning at home
And where is the man? Where is the man that I knew?

All he ever wanted was your love
All he ever needed were your arms
All he ever needed was you to believe in him

  • Jason Stadtlander

Frankly Friday: Chasing Faith
Frankly Friday: Chasing Faith 150 150 Jason Stadtlander

Questioning FaithI have always considered myself a Christian. I was born into a Methodist home, raised in a Methodist church and I attended Sunday school as a child. I can remember the pride that I had on becoming an acolyte as a young boy and getting a children’s bible.

Although we changed churches quite a bit throughout my childhood due to moving, I still felt a connection to the community of church whenever we would return. All that changed when my grandmother died.

I was fourteen years old and I remember being furious at God. Angry that the one woman who I felt always was my rock and guiding light would be swept out of my life. It was during her battle with breast cancer that that my mother and father divorced and any remaining faith I had went down the proverbial toilet. Now, I’m not saying that I became agnostic (those who question the belief in a higher deity) or atheist (those who don’t believe in God at all)… What I am saying is that I failed to care whether there was a God, whether God was real or whether anything else was. I was angry, I was numb to everything and I felt alone.

Fast forward almost twenty years to the birth of my first child.

My beliefs again were put through the wringer. For the first time since my grandmother had died, I was certain without a doubt that there was a God. I could not see anyway that such a precious life could be created. So complex, so incredibly and so beautiful without some higher power orchestrating things on a level that we still can’t perceive. I’m not saying I came full circle, my doubts are still very strong in many areas. However, believing that there is in fact a God (in whatever form he/she or it may be) for me is most definitely there.

This whole realization pushed me to analyze my faith and the very concept of faith, God and in some cases religion. The more I wrote, the more I discovered that there were underlying tones of faith within my stories / books (like The Lantern). People ask me all the time if I intentionally write those into the stories. The reality is, I don’t intentionally write anything. I don’t write an outline, I don’t know how a story is going to end. I simply sit down and start writing. Yes, I have a concept at times or an idea that I want to move with, but it’s never as rigid as a planned out piece. It’s my heart flowing out of my fingers and onto paper. Most of the time, I’m as surprised as everyone else where things go within the stories.

Now I face another life changing situation. One that I am uncertain of whether it’s questioning my faith, encouraging it or negating it. Only time will tell.

That being said, my whole of experiences with having children, dealing with life issues and now with writing has caused me to analyze time and again my morals, my beliefs and the blurred lines between right and wrong. What is true, and what is not? At the moment, I believe strongly that there is a higher power. The Bible, the Torah, the Qur’an and every other written text out there (as far as I’m concerned) was written by man. Do I believe that there might have been some divine influence in such writings, or that they may have been written by those strong in faith? Yes, absolutely. However, they are humanity’s interpretation of something that they do not understand; what lies before our existence and what lies after it.

What do you believe or feel? There is no right or wrong, there is only opinions and there is nothing wrong with having an opinion.

Copyright © Jason Stadtlander - All Rights Reserved

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