Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s been gone now for thirteen years. The world is definitely a better place since she has left and my life has really done a full one eighty since then. However, I will admit that her legacy will haunt my world for the rest of my life. I wonder all the time if it will affect others in our family though. It’s one of my deepest fears. Yes, I know, you would never think so, but I do have fears. Most of my fears revolve around my children or the fact that I am not as skilled a hunter as I believe myself to be. Surely those fears are unjustified, but they are there none-the-less.
So what does one do on the birthday of Marion Smythwick? I will do what I have done every year since her death. I will go to her grave in Manataqua Point Cemetery on Essex Street and place a flower on her grave, then I eat my lunch sitting on a stool near her headstone.
Today it’s bitterly cold with a bit of snow left over, but that somehow that seems fitting and I will not change my tradition. She is after all, my mother.
I wonder, if I should ever tell my children about the darkness in our family history. A darkness that I carry on – somewhat unwillingly.
Happy Birthday Mom, may you find the peace in death that you never had in life.
About The Steel Van Man Chronicles
The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.
I know that if I lost this person, that I will have known they loved me and that they know I loved them. Are there others that don’t fit statement in my life? Absolutely. Can you say the same? What would happen if you lost your spouse, partner, best friend, brother, sister, mother, father, grandparent or child? Can you say that you have let them know how you feel or told them everything you’d want them to know?
I do have another problem, that has been plaguing me. Something else that I’ve been thinking about incessantly. Ms. Lacitor, the good detective from Northwood. Can I trust her to keep my secret hidden? I do not want to harm her, but I also can’t risk the truth getting out. So far, I believe I can trust her. I believe though, that I must keep a vigilant eye on her and ensure that our friendship remains a friendship. There is such a fine line between friend and enemy. A friend is an enemy that you can enjoy being around, in my opinion. Or, perhaps a friend is a person with the potential of being an enemy in the knowledge that they posses. 
Estoy aquí, en el trono de mi baño de sangre, ahora más limpia que cuando salió del concesionario. El olor a lejía se instala en mis fosas nasales, acentuado por el olor a cuero limpio del asiento delantero y del panel del salpicadero.
Estaba usando el talón de mis botas para golpear el hielo, rompiéndolo y liberándolo del asfalto. Una profesora, la Srta. Fleming, me pregunto qué era eso que estaba haciendo. Le dije que estaba rompiendo el hielo para que los otros niños no se hicieran daño. Me sonrió y me dijo que era una buena persona. Que yo recuerde, es la segunda vez que alguien me ha dicho eso, la otra fue siendo detective este último año.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I had never heard of old souls before. I asked him what he meant. To which he responded, “Old souls are someone that has clearly lived on this Earth much longer than others. You are able to do things with ease that other people cannot even understand. Also, you are able to relate to others in ways that you shouldn’t be able to.”
Es la maldad sobre la historia de nuestra familia lo que no quiero revelarles. Una parte de mí duda de si escucharían algo en su cariñosa voz. Quizá soy yo, corrupto por la verdad que conoce el mal. Por lo que sé, ni siquiera aparece como tal en las grabaciones. Sin embargo, que escuchen las grabaciones es una opción que no valoro, por lo menos de momento.