the steel van man

Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s been gone now for thirteen years. The world is definitely a better place since she has left and my life has really done a full one eighty since then. However, I will admit that her legacy will haunt my world for the rest of my life. I wonder all the time if it will affect others in our family though. It’s one of my deepest  fears. Yes, I know, you would never think so, but I do have fears. Most of my fears revolve around my children or the fact that I am not as skilled a hunter as I believe myself to be. Surely those fears are unjustified, but they are there none-the-less.

So what does one do on the birthday of Marion Smythwick? I will do what I have done every year since her death. I will go to her grave in Manataqua Point Cemetery on Essex Street and place a flower on her grave, then I eat my lunch sitting on a stool near her headstone.

Today it’s bitterly cold with a bit of snow left over, but that somehow that seems fitting and I will not change my tradition. She is after all, my mother.

I wonder, if I should ever tell my children about the darkness in our family history. A darkness that I carry on – somewhat unwillingly.

Happy Birthday Mom, may you find the peace in death that you never had in life.

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

I sit here in my house, looking out at the snow as it falls softly through the bay windows. My spouse and the children are in the living room by the fire, but I choose the den. I’ve been debating whether I should go out and shovel. I’d really prefer not. 

It has been a nice year so far, only three days in. It may be 6 degrees outside, but I had a wonderful fire going only eight hours ago. To say that Santa made it down the chimney would be an understatement. There is one less person in the world to harm the children of the world and I feel as though I’ve had my much needed release. It’s been far too long since I let myself hunt. I need the kill as much as it needs me. 

And what good does it do for me to prevent myself from taking the pleasure that I so badly need? All I do is get stressed beyond all comprehension and prevent the world from being cleansed. The monster needs to be let out once in a while to go for a run or it will take me over. 

How can I be expected to be a good parent and spouse if I can’t find a way to satisfy my own inner workings? I can’t. That’s the plain truth. I make time for family, and work and I even make time for being a good partner. What I do not do enough of, is make time for myself. How can a hero even try to save the world around them if they don’t find time for themselves?

I do have another problem, that has been plaguing me. Something else that I’ve been thinking about incessantly. Ms. Lacitor, the good detective from Northwood. Can I trust her to keep my secret hidden? I do not want to harm her, but I also can’t risk the truth getting out. So far, I believe I can trust her. I believe though, that I must keep a vigilant eye on her and ensure that our friendship remains a friendship. There is such a fine line between friend and enemy. A friend is an enemy that you can enjoy being around, in my opinion. Or, perhaps a friend is a person with the potential of being an enemy in the knowledge that they posses. 

She knows so much about me, too much. Too much damaging information, yet she stays her hand in turning me in. Why?

Would I do the same in her shoes? I don’t know. I may have to find a way to test this new-found friend. A way to find out how strong her loyalties are. I would never let her participate in a kill, but in years past many English lords used to take their friends on a fox hunt to build comradery. Perhaps a ‘hunt’ would help to solidify that trust. How can one turn on someone when the blood is on their own hands as well?

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.

December 9th

Do you enjoy buying gifts this time of year? I do sometimes, but I prefer to find a time when no one else is around. The internet has made shopping without being around so many people much easier, but then you have to have the damn things delivered to you and risk someone seeing them if you’re not around. I’ve already bought each of my children two well thought out gifts, better to buy them then pass down something from the family. Although I really would like for them to hear what their grandfather has to say on his tapes. Most of them are sweet and benign, but there are other tapes that have a darkness to them. An underlying profundity that is just barely perceivable. It is that darkness and depth that I am afraid of my children hearing in their dead grandfather’s voice.

It is that iniquity about our family history that I just don’t want to reveal to them. A part of me doubts that they would ever hear that in his loving voice, perhaps it is just me, tainted by the truth that sees the evil. For all I know, it’s not even really there in his recordings. However, it’s a chance I can’t take… at least for now.

I’ve been sitting here in my surveillance van, watching a man here in Lynn for the past four hours. Twice I’ve seen him leave and come home carrying bags of toys into his apartment. I watch as my hidden cameras see him wrapping the toys and trying on his Santa suit to make sure that everything fits. Ah, the holidays… a time of joy, innocence and perversion. The spirit of Christmas is nothing more than a mask for this man to wear for his disgusting perversions.

Methinks he will soon see what the true holiday spirit is all about, long before he has a chance to deliver his presents to good little boys and girls. Yes, I believe that he will find the Holidays sharp, cold and brutal in ways he can’t even imagine.

About The Steel Van Man Chronicles

The Steel Van Man is a thriller that was released in August of 2013 about a serial killer who hunts down those that abuse children. You can get the full book here. The “Chronicles” are the continuing journal of the serial killer from its point of view as it continues through its daily life.